


The Park

by BookshopLaura



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 14:20:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6858478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookshopLaura/pseuds/BookshopLaura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Laura ventures into the Shadowhunters, please advise if anything is off, I've got all info on this from Tumblr.</p><p>For ref, this is the location in Central Park - http://travel.snydle.com/files/2015/06/Central-Park.jpg</p><p>Also fear not Merlin fans, I haven't forgotten you!</p></blockquote>





	The Park

Raphael is clinging to the letter so hard that’s crumpled, as he runs, vampire top speed towards the park. If he had a heart it would be racing. As it is he’s still sure he can feel sweat prickling all over him, even though he knows it can’t be true. It’s probably just all his hairs standing on end. He can’t remember being this scared since... since...he doesn’t want to think about the last time he was this scared. He still had nightmares about it. But he doesn’t have time to think about that. The sun will be up in 30 minutes, and somewhere in this park Simon is sitting, waiting for the sun to come up, to turn him to dust, and it’s all Raphael’s fault

\---

He’s the one who refused to forgive the fledgling. Even after Simon had helped take down Camille, even after he’d earned the forgiveness of the rest of the clan, by risking himself numerous times to help them out, and warn them. Even after he’d begged and pleaded and demanded that Raphael forgive him. Still Raphael would not forgive him, because Raphael had sworn not to forgive him, and he was a man of his word. Except that that wasn’t it. The entire clan thought he should relent, at least a little. But he wouldn’t let himself forgive the fledgling, the traitor. He’d let himself get too close before. He’d become attached, found himself smiling when he thought of Simon, jealous when he spent time with the Shadowhunters, made up positions to keep Simon closer. But Simon hadn’t cared, had thrown it all away for the Shadowhunters, and Raphael would not be fooled again.

But Simon had been nothing if not persistent. Even going so far as to offer anything that Raphael wanted, in return for his forgiveness. And Raphael had sneered, and turned to face him.

“Anything? Anything, traitor? Because what I would like, more than anything in this world, is to never hear your pathetic whining again!”  
Simon’s face had fallen, Raphael thought he saw a slight blink, but he’d turned away and left. And when he saw Simon again, Simon hadn’t said a thing, only looked at him with wide, pleading eyes. And Raphael had sneered again, and walked out of the room, muttering a ‘pathetic’ he knew the fledgling would hear. For three days Simon had stayed silently around the hotel, and the others had began to worry. He wasn’t just not speak to Raphael, he wasn’t speaking at all! To anyone! On the fourth day he disappeared, only for Raphael to receive a slightly worried text from Magnus. The fledgling was with them, silent still. Barely leaving his room. ‘Biscuit’ was going mad, and Magnus would really rather not have a moping vampire cramping his style as he tried to woo Alexander. 

But Magnus’ second and last text was more serious. 

“Come to my apartment immediately.” It’s two hours before sunrise, and Raphael is just turning in. He’s shattered, and if it’s about Simon he really should ignore it. So for a few minutes he does, but then his phone buzzes again.

“Now, Raphael”

Spitting out a string of Spanish expletives, Raphael redresses into the clothes he’d just started to take off, and heads over to Magnus’ apartment.  
\---  
“Magnus, what’s the...” Magnus doesn’t bother to answer, thrusting the piece of paper into his hand the minute Raphael is through the door.

“He hasn’t been right since he arrived, so I’ve been checking regularly. I’m glad I did. I just found this on his bed.” Explains Magnus, as Raphael frowns and looks down at the letter.

‘Dear Clary  
I know it’s really selfish, and I know you’ll be upset, but it’s for the best. I was never any good at being a vampire, wasn’t particularly successful as a mundane, so I’ve decided to give up. Can you tell my Mum and Sis I love them, thank Magnus for letting me stay at his place, apologise to Alec for getting in the way. I leave all my comics and stuff at my mum’s to you. All the stuff at DuMort... Raphael’s probably burned it all already, so don’t worry. Tell him I’m sorry, but I guess he’ll just be happy I’m gone.  
If you want to find my ashes, they’ll be on a bench in central park, near the baseball field.  
Your friend  
Simon.  
p.s. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you this week. It wasn’t you.’

“I was supposed to find this later this morning, but I wanted to check in on him when I got back from the club.” Says Magnus, frowning. 

“Why did you call me?” asks Raphael

“I... it’s written to her.” He can’t help the slight emphasis on her.

“Because I get the feeling that this has a lot more to do with you than it does with Biscuit. Call it warlock intuition. Now, are you going to leave him to combust, or not.” Raphael shoots him a glare, but it’s telling. 

“I don’t know Central park.” He says, trying to hide the slight panic in his voice.

“Then it’s a good thing you have super speed” says Magnus, and there’s just a hint of threat in his voice. Raphael doesn’t waste any more time.

\---

He spots Simon from across the lawn, the sky is beginning to lighten, and there are birds beginning to make quiet tweets to wake each other. He speeds across to the bench, but stops a few feet away, so that he can walk up and sit down, as if it’s the most normal, casual thing to do. For a moment he sits in silence, trying not to look as Simon turns to glance at him (not quite at him), and then turn back. There’s fear in his face when Raphael looks. He’s pale, too pale, in the very faint light. 

“It’s late for fledglings to be out.” He says, trying to sound calm, and normal. He sees Simon sit up straighter, his hands coming to grip on the edge of the bench. 

“We should head back.” He says, getting up. Maybe that will be enough, embarrass him out of this. But when he turns to look, Simon is still sat, his grip on the bench white knuckle.

“Come on, Simon. Stop being stupid.” He says, and even as he says it, he knows that wasn’t bright. He sees a single tear drop down Simon’s face, but his expression of fear and determination doesn’t shift. 

So Raphael, sits down beside him again, turning himself to fully face Simon now, which makes Simon’s eyebrows knit together worriedly, in a way which makes Raphael’s stomach churn.

“What’s going on, hey? Why don’t you tell me?” he hopes he sounds gentle and calm. Simon turns to peer at him, but then turns back to face the lawn. And shakes his head.

“Do you.. do you want me to say sorry?” says Raphael, and it does half sound like an accusation. But then as Simon’s mouth falls open to take breaths he doesn’t need, Raphael can’t help it.

“Because I will. I’m sorry, about what I said. You can talk... I want you talk. Talk to me, please.” Raphael’s impressed with how much composure he manages to keep whilst saying this. Simon takes a breath like he’s about to speak, but when he glances at Raphael, it seems to catch, his mouth working a little, but nothing coming out. So he snaps it shut again, staring ahead. Raphael turns to follow his gaze in annoyance, but then sees what Simon sees. The sun is coming up behind them. The buildings far behind them are throwing a shadow forward, covering them and the lawn in shadow. But across the lawn there’s an edge of sunlight, beginning to creep its way towards them. 

“Simon, please, we have to go!” says Raphael, not bothering to hide the fear now. 

“m sorry.” whispers Simon, still clinging to the bench. 

“Simon, please! I forgive you! Everything! Please!” But Simon’s shaking his head. Like he doesn’t believe it. Like it’s a dream. 

“I’m not kidding, I promise, Simon, everything is forgiven, just come back to DuMort with me. We’ll finish your training. Renew the accords.” 

“Clary knows it’s not your fault. They won’t... they won’t blame you.” Says Simon, staring at the block of green creeping closer. 

“Simon, I don’t care if no one else would blame me. I would blame me!”

“You need to go, Raph.” Says Simon calmly. Too calmly. Which is what gives Raphael the idea. He jumps down, kneeling on the ground by Simon’s feet, hugging Simon’s legs, which must look ridiculous.

“I’m not going until you do! And I’ll go first!” he says. Simon looks at him, wide-eyed.

“No! No, you can’t! You can’t go, I... I...” his hands are pushing ineffectually at Raphael’s shoulders.

“I love you, I won’t let you do this!” says Raphael. And he’s breathing heavily, ridiculously, until he remembers and stops.

“You... you love?...you don’t love me! You hate me!” says Simon, almost shouting.

“I hate that you betrayed me! Because I love you! And it hurts so much!” says Raphael, and as soon as he’s said it, he deflates , dropping his head to Simon’s knees. 

“I loved you so much, and you didn’t know! And then you betrayed us, and it hurt! I didn’t want to let you back in, because it hurt! But I can’t lose you!” He sobs into Simon’s jeans, clinging tighter to Simon’s calves, and he feels a hand tentatively run through his hair. 

“I’m sorry.” says Simon, and his voice is so high and small.

“I know, I know.” says Raphael, looking up at Simon, whose leant forward. He reaches up a hand to brush a thumb against Simon’s cheek. 

“Will, will you come home now?” he asks. Simon nods, and Raphael feels it on his hand.

“Can... can you say it, please. It scares me when you don’t talk.” He feels Simon laugh a little against his hand.

“Yes. Yes, Raphael, I’ll come home.”

**Author's Note:**

> Laura ventures into the Shadowhunters, please advise if anything is off, I've got all info on this from Tumblr.
> 
> For ref, this is the location in Central Park - http://travel.snydle.com/files/2015/06/Central-Park.jpg
> 
> Also fear not Merlin fans, I haven't forgotten you!


End file.
